'No effort to learn basic tasks': Dude calls out his fiancée's weaponized incompetence and refusal to correctly do certain tasks

Brad Dickson • Managing Editor

Aug 29, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

The topic of "weaponized incompetence" has become a hot one in online discussions any time relationships are mentioned. With relationship "gurus" singling out the behaviors of partners who refuse to learn basic tasks or household chores—or otherwise pretend that they can't do the task so that their partner gives up on asking them to do it and goes back to doing it themself.

There's a notable distinguishment in behavior between being unable to do something—or honestly failing to learn it—and pretending that you're incapable of doing something in order to avoid doing it, with the former having honest intentions and the latter being—well… gaslighting.

The example that typically comes to mind here is the husband being asked to do laundry by an exasperated wife and doing such a poor or lazy job of it that their wife never asks them to do it again.

The question at hand here is where a general lack of required skills ends and weaponized incompetence begins, and while people might disagree, I'd say it all comes down to intent. When it comes to any sort of maintenance and the operation of simple tools and general handiness… Some people lack even the most basic skills, having never learned them before. So, when it comes to the division of labor in the relationship, the more capable partner will generally handle these tasks, meaning that the partner unskilled in this area never learns them or has the opportunity to. Teaching someone the basics that you've long taken for granted can be time-consuming and frustrating for less patient teachers, especially when it seems like your "student" isn't putting in the proper effort.

This guy, the original poster of this thread, is at his wits' end with his fiancée's apparent inability to learn and execute basic tasks. From changing a tire to mowing the lawn, his fiancée's attempts have consistently fallen short, leaving him to pick up the slack. When confronted with his frustration, she insists it's not intentional. Now, the OP is left wondering if he has been too harsh in his criticism.

What are your thoughts? See his original account of events below and share your verdict with us in the comments.